Agony

How ironical is the fact that when I feel like making optimum use of every moment for my growth, I see most activites as trivial and useless, and end up doing nothing. Most of the things seem either blatantly pointless, or inconsequential. Am I being too egoistic here? Maybe, maybe not. It's not that I feel I'm too great to do such frivolous things that look 'ordinary', but it's just that I feel there are better things that could challenge my capabilities to a much larger extent.

I don't know whether I'm using the right words to express my state of mind. Words are, more often than not, misleading.

And then there are those things that I know would add value. But my human nature of laziness comes to the fore and I feel satisfied in knowing that there is something of value that I can do, and leave it at that. Why don't I just go ahead and DO it? There have been many instances where I knew what I had to do to get out of the inertia, but felt contented in just knowing that. Of course, I will not put the blame entirely on myself, as there have been times when just as I was about to DO it, something happened that stopped me from doing it at that moment. And once I lose the enthusiasm for a thing, it takes time for it to build again.

Taking a small example, I know I feel better after writing my thoughts. I like to write. But it's been ages since I updated my blog. Just a few days back I was writing something in a new post in my blog when suddenly there was a power breakdown. And then I lost the enthusiasm to write everything again. I may be sounding as if I'm complaining...I am.

Even as I write this, I hope there won't be any 'external' interference before I click on the 'Publish Post' link. I'm not going to write all this again...there are better things to do in life...